Thursday 12 February 2015

Reader response draft 2

Emm(2014) states in “ The Perils of Over-sharing in Social Networks” that there are increasing threats regarding sharing information online. This is due to the government and network service providers having access to important information. The author also believes that people are increasingly dependent on the internet. This causes us to reveal too much about about our daily lives and leaves us, and the people we work for, vulnerable to online threats. Emm(2014) also states that the dangers of over-sharing is easily over-looked, as handheld devices ,we frequently use, are not common targets for hackers. Such devices will create a fake sense of security that could jeopardise our information.

I agree with the author that the internet and social media has become an inseparable part of our lives. We are now exposed to more dangers online than ever before, not only on a physical level but also on a spiritual level.

It is evident that there are more people who are using the social media. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, are common terms used today. There are also more and more people who reveal too much about themselves. One might be unaware that posting such information, which may originally seem like a harmless activity, bring about dangers as mentioned by the author. One might also be unaware of the steps they could take to prevent such dangers. Such action includes precautionary measures like adjusting their privacy settings and selecting who can get access to their private information. Educating people of such features should be a necessary step taken by social media platforms to reduce the danger of leaking too much information about both the users and the organisation such people are working for.

The social media and technology are undeniably accessible to a younger audience. One may only be eight-year old but may already own a phone and have access to the internet. One may also not be mature enough to judge whether their action online are detrimental to their online safety. They may also be uneducated in the fields of cyber-crimes and safety leading to viruses attack or even leak knowledge about the location of their families and themselves. Educating the the future generation should be made a priority in schools, especially when our lives are so closely link to the internet and technology. Learning techniques of keeping themselves safe from the dangers of over-sharing will eventually be a habit common in society. This will ultimately deter people from using the internet a vulnerable source of information.

On a more spiritual level, the internet and the social media could potentially damage one’s self esteem and even lead to antisocial behavior . One will inevitably compare oneself to the pictures of acquaintance on the social media and the situation is made worse when such people overshare on such platforms. Success is determined by the number of ‘likes’ you get on the social media platforms.  All these is definitely unfavourable ,or even damaging, for the development of one’s self esteem and spiritual self.  Ellis, (2014) states “When social media replaces or distracts from personal interactions it is decidedly anti-social”. She even joked that one day, we will text our acquaintance even when he or she is right beside us.

(534 words)
David Emm(2014, 21 March), The Peril of Over-sharing in Social Networks [Web log post]
Retrieved from :

Debra Ellis(n.d), Does the social media affect anti-social behaviour
Retrieved from:
http://multichannelmagic.com/03/does-social-media-encourage-anti-social-behavior/


3 comments:

  1. Hi Teckyi,

    1)This causes us to reveal too much about about our daily lives and leaves us, and the people we work for, vulnerable to online threats.
    --> 'About about' and the usage of us is too personal, 'us--> the users, we--> they

    2)We are now exposed to more dangers online than ever before, not only on a physical level but also on a spiritual level.
    -->should use emotional level instead of spiritual level.

    3)It is evident that there are more people who are using the social media. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, are common terms used today.
    -->Twitter and Instagram.

    4). One might be unaware that posting such information, which may originally seem like a harmless activity, bring about dangers as mentioned by the author.
    --> brings

    5)Paragraph 4, 'one might'-> rather than 'one may' would be better.
    'Learning techniques of keeping themselves safe' is a little odd.
    '. This will ultimately deter people from using the internet a vulnerable source of information.' --> using internet as a vulnerable.

    6) an eight-year old

    7). They may also be uneducated in the fields of cyber-crimes and safety leading to viruses attack or even leak knowledge about the location of their families and themselves. (Should break the sentence into two parts-> the sentence structure is a little confusing)

    8) Paragraph 5, . One will inevitably compare oneself to the pictures of acquaintance on the social media and the situation is made worse when such people over share on such platforms. --> of an acquaintance.

    Overall the idea of a good reader response is great, however just a little more tweaking it would be awesome!

    Done by Zhengguang Han, Zhou Qi, Yuxi.

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  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  3. This is a decent reader response, Teck Yi. You provide a fairly accurate summary and you have the ingredients for a clear thesis (once you extricate the "I"/"We" from it). Your overall development seems decent as well, with some clear illustration in your response's supporting paragraphs.

    What you need to work on is the means of expressing who the main stakeholder in this narrative is: "I", "we", "people" or "one". I would suggest you aim your description away from "I/We" and at "individuals who use social media." These "people" can also be called "netizens" or "social media users", or even "consumers" or "participants."

    Here are some other issues to consider:

    --- This causes us to reveal too much about about our daily lives and leaves us, and the people we work for, vulnerable to online threats. >>>
    This causes net users to reveal too much about about their daily lives and leaves them, and the people they work for, vulnerable to online threats.

    --- Emm(2014) also states that the dangers of over-sharing is easily over-looked, as handheld devices ,we frequently use, are not common targets for hackers.
    >>>
    Can you rewrite this without using "we"?

    --- I agree with the author that the internet and social media has become an inseparable part of our lives. >>> Try to avoid using "I" or "we" as well as "my" or "our."

    --- ...more people who are using the social media. >>> **more** than what? Why use the comparative?

    --- ...posting such information... bring about dangers. >>> subject-verb agreement?

    --- eight-year old >>> ?

    --- our lives are so closely ***link*** >>> word form?

    --- Does your reference list follow APA?

    I look forward to your next draft.

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